A simple thing

Sarah wasn’t able to say a word when Brian told her it was over. She sat on the sofa and tried to say something meaningful, something that could actually get to his mind, to his bones. For ten minutes, she was caught in silence, confusion and a deep sense of failure and bitterness. When she came back to herself, she was alone in that cold room they had rented ten days ago, when they moved in together.

The twenty – seven years old girl didn’t even notice she had been crying when she got the phone. She wanted it to be Brian; she wanted it to be Brian so badly. But it wasn’t. An operator mentioned a new car insurance and all the benefits Sarah could have with it. She was somehow able to connect herself with the material world, with reality, with senses and tangibility. She refused gently and gratefully while she walked into an empty kitchen and served herself some wine.

By the fifth cup, Sarah realized she was too alive. By the third joint, she still had the capacity to think. It was by the second gram when she decided to make a movement. Sarah grabbed an old overcoat and went for a walk.  

Everything was blurry and commonly bizarre. She stumbled and zigzagged, but Sarah wouldn’t stop. The blue eyed girl didn’t want to feel anymore.

At 6:15 p.m., Sarah got to the beach. She lay down on the sand and stared at a restless sea. Some feet away, two guys her age were having a beer; and it took the three of them half an hour to start a conversation as if they had always known each other for years.

Sam, Noel and Sarah got in Sam’s sport truck and left town; heading nowhere. Noel drove wildly while Sam and Sarah had sex in the back seat. Sam had another beer while the girl went down on Noel. They stopped at a gas station in the route and stole vodka and chocolates from its minimarket.

They slept at the cheapest motel they found. Sarah was naked on the bed, just between Sam and Noel. She lit a cigarette and, with tremendous difficulty, stood up and walked to the window.  

Sarah saw the stars, those that can’t be seen in town, and an orange compass –drawn Moon shone in the bluest sky. Through that motel window, she also noticed a child playing with his dad. The wind hit her face once and again and messed up with her brunette hair. The air was pure and clean.

Noel held her hand. Sarah didn’t know he was there. He held her hand tighter as tears started to run through her face.

-          -What do you want, girlie?

-          - To feel.